First off, this guy looks like Rick Kosick. A bit like Sammy Baptista, but more Kosick. Really quick, how did his glasses never leave his face? And what the fukkk is this guy yelling at anyways? A monitor? Poltergeist? Okay? The entire thing seems a bit unfair if you ask me. I mean, who goes around yelling at things that cant yell or bite you back? And did you hear how loud he was yelling? Damn! That's a “death yell”! The death yell's one of them last yells God gives you before he knows you're ass is about to die. I've personally almost died five times, so I know the yell pretty well. But back to this fat, mini Rick Kosick looking, German bastard. Or is he Hungarian? Who cares. What do they feed this kid? Porridge? I bet his mom had Coca-Cola in her titty. Hot, European Coca-Cola. And she breastfed him until he was in fifth grade. I really wanna know what he was watching? Whatever it was, got cussed the fukk out. He told you, you lame screen. What would have been really funny is if his fat ass had just jumped up, started singing “Love is a Battlefield” by Pat Benatar, the wall comes crashing down, and there stood a crew of fat Hung-Germanin backup dancers. Now THAT shit would be hot! I think all fat people should be backup dancers in videos. Nothing's funnier than watching a fat person, who's physically active. Actually, nothing's funnier than fat people period! Fat person eating a big sandwich? Funnier than shit. Fat people scratchin' their neck when they can find it? Hilarious. Fat kids death yelling at computer monitors in Hung-Germanin? Priceless. The dude was yelling so hard, I smelt his breath. I think he had chocolate French fries wrapped in uncooked bacon for lunch, and a sour cream and mashed potato milkshake for desert. I think when the clip ended, he also ate his entire computer. Fat ass. Honestly, I don't condone kids doing drugs, but I highly suggest getting this kid some weed. Or in his case, some weed brownies. Weed mayonnaise too. I wouldn't recommend the weed butter though. With a yell like that, his fat ass could bust a clogged artery, which would cause his fat ass chest to burst open, and we'd have a room full of fat, weed butter blubber all over the place. Thanks a lot. You fat fuck.

 

I found his review very funny. As I do most of Clyde 's writing.

But then him and Russ kept sending me different versions of it. Upon receipt of the last one (which was in reality probably the third time I'd received it), I wrote,

 

>>>>jesus. i've gotten this thing like 8 times now between you and russ. Okay, this is the one? –dave

 

To which Clyde responded,

 

>>>> No thank you? No now'n laters, or bo-bo juice? And I only sent it twice, so learn how to count big bad boss dude. Weird. It smells like johnny walker gold label and coffee over here. Whats the air in downtown smell like-PIFF? I might take the train down. Ill let u know in a bit. And wheres that review going anyways? Blahblahblahblahblahblah..... Exactly. Outta here.

 

I'm very sensitive about my counting skills. They're not very good. Counting is hard. So I replied,

 

>>> twice? more like 200000000 times. but that's okay, i am awesome when it comes to email and i can field thousands of emails at a time.

>>> as for "thank you," i do not say "thank you." thank yous are not evil. And they are a sign of weakness. if i said thank you, that would imply that I enjoyed something you did. and i enjoy nothing. not even anything i do. In fact, i don't even know what enjoy means? i can't even spell it: emgoiiii. see. -dave, the boss of pure evil

>>> oh and i don't think we're heading down to the office today. it's too happy and sunny outside today. i am closing the curtains and working by candlelight today. tomorrow it is supposed to be cold and dark. if that is true, we will come outside.

 

Clyde was also feeling feisty, so he attacked my hobby and my family,

 

>> Wines not very evil, nor are cute little dogs w/shirts.. Three 6 mafia use'ta be evil, but record sales slowed down, so they started being normal, ignigorant rappers. What a waste of evil. I think this ladies evil. Is that a cross, a swastika or a block from Qbert on her forehead?

 

Please note the use of the word “ignigorant.” Genius.

I opened up his picture of the evil lady, studied her hideous features for a moment and wrote,

 

>>>> yes, she is evil. the pants say it all. i think that's the consolidated logo on her forehead.

>>>> regarding wine, vikings used to drink wine and they raped and pillaged entire countries. vampires drink wine, and blood. sometimes it's hard to tell the difference. bullfighters drink wine also. and they kill bulls. among other things. knights drank wine and they used swords to cut foes heads off. bums drink wine and bums are just straight up gnarly. and they smell evil. i'd go on, but i think you get the picture. wine is the drink of evil.

>>>> beer is the drink of dumb. you can't deny that one. tequila also happens to be very, very evil. there are others, but for now: wine=evil.

>>>> as for the dog, and the kitty, i see you fell for it. i am a master of illusion. which is also very evil. -dave

 

Clyde finally conceded,

 

>>>> You win.. You're a evil genius.. A modern day green lantern of sorts. What else you got for me to write about? Oh!